Tweetable Traffic Rants

To the guy who cut me off: Terribly sorry for existing in space and time. My bad.

Dear Honor-Roll Parent, Little Yukiko in Tokyo is in the same grade as your kid but five years ahead in math skills. Boast on that!

To the motorcyclist going 120mph in a T-shirt and shorts: Mind your head. Brains are slippery, and could cause me to skid.

To the girl texting while driving: Your career as a typist is a lock, you don’t need to practice every minute.

To Bumpersticker-Christianity-v-Darwinism-Debaters: Let’s start at a point on which all rational folk can agree – you’re all ignorant

To the sleepy trucker who ran me off the road: Let me swing my 80-ton big rig at your Kia and see how tired you are then.

Dear Grampa, Maybe slowing down is not the best solution to a 12 foot range of vision and an 8 minute eye-to-foot reaction time.

Dear Wanna-be Gangster, Sit up – no one is shooting at you… yet.

Dear Smart Car, My condolences for the kin I saw being scraped off the undercarriage of a Hummer.

Dear Hummer owner, Your H1 is equipped for the in-drive refueling missions you may need to get from your house to the gas station.

Dear Officer running code to get home for a date, Don’t rush. She doesn’t like you; she’s just dating you to see if you can fix her ticket.

Dear News Radio, please stop playing soundtracks of sirens as background to your news stories – you’re freaking me out.

Dear Blue Ray in the Car, Remember ADD? Imagine what a kid who can’t go 15 min. from home to school without being entertained will have.

Dear Slack-jaw, Your rattail is flapping in the wind dangerously close to the trigger-guard of the shotgun in the rack behind your head.

Dear kid with the earth-shaking speakers, Turn it down. We don’t all have the same taste in music. Some of us like music that DOESN’T suck.

About B Gourley

Bernie Gourley is a writer living in Bangalore, India. His poetry collection, Poems of the Introverted Yogi is now available on Amazon. He teaches yoga, with a specialization in pranayama, and holds a RYT500 certification. For most of his adult life, he practiced martial arts, including: Kobudo, Muay Thai, Kalaripayattu, and Taiji. He is a world traveler, having visited more than 40 countries around the globe.
This entry was posted in Humor, Tweets, Writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Tweetable Traffic Rants

  1. missylikestoramble says:

    HAHAHAHAHA this is an awesome post. Thanks so much for writing these down!

  2. B Gourley says:


  3. The Carrying Place says:

    Bitch, bitch, bitch. 😉

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