As April Fools’ Day is approaching, I’m trying to flex my creativity a little in preparation for an April Fools’ News story.
“Mad Dog of Tripoli said to be ‘Pensive’”
Colonel Moammar Gadhafi is said to be reflective and melancholy.
A close advisor noted, “He just lies around in his bed chamber listening to Lionel Ritchie ballads and wondering where it all went wrong.”
It doesn’t help that the Libyan people were quoted as saying, “Oh, it’s you. It’s definitely you.”
“Syrian Strategy of ‘Random Response’ Yields Ambiguous Results”
The Syrian government continued to display a marked inconsistency with respect to protestors today. Security forces handed out decorative gift boxes to demonstrators.
One protestor commented, “About half of the boxes contained a lovely basket with bath salts and beads, and the others were booby-trapped with live grenades.”
“Japanese Government Official Freaked Out About the Indomitable Spirit of the Japanese People”
In the wake of a massive earthquake and tsunami, Japanese citizens again took events in stride quietly forming orderly lines, assisting others, and generally being unreasonably calm in the face of tragedy.
One Japanese official remarked, “We keep expecting people to snap. Having closely followed disasters in other countries, we expected looting to relieve some of the pressing humanitarian supply needs, but these people just won’t break a window. It’s disconcerting.”