It’s 2011 Already, Come On!: Where’s My Ray Gun?

H.G. Wells foresaw the bomb.
Never prouder was a mom.
Sci-fi gets it so rarely right,
says I, sans boots that take to flight.

Year 2001 saw no HAL,
just Tamagotchis to be your pal.
Yes, computers at chess could win,
but they couldn’t kill unless plugged in.
On victory humans have a lock
because we can pick up a heavy rock.

There reigns no army of machines
except the ones that carpet clean
You can always tell robot from man
by the part they install on your minivan.

No green chicks did Spirit find.
No helmet yet can read one’s mind.
No five-course meals in capsule form.
No planet-devouring super storms.

I’ve never known a car to hover.
I’ve never taken an alien lover.
(Aliens really come a billion light-years
to probe bums and stick bugs in ears?)
I’ve never worn clothes of foil,
or used a ray-gun to make pasta boil.

Not all errors favor high technology.
Sometimes they overplay anthropology.
Isaac Asimov had his male lead
using a typewriter at warp speed.

Is it too much for a guy to ask
for our society to stick to task,
and give us a freakin’ car that flies
so I can drive the friendly skies.

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About B Gourley

Bernie Gourley is a writer living in Bangalore, India. He is currently writing his first novel entitled CHASING DEMONS. He is a martial artist, yogi, and world traveler.
This entry was posted in Flash-writing, Humor, Poetry, Science Fiction, Writing and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

89 Responses to It’s 2011 Already, Come On!: Where’s My Ray Gun?

  1. Irfan says:

    Wow, so cool! :O (y)

    • B Gourley says:

      Thanks.

    • LOVE the title and the subject matter. Awesome rhyme, in general!

      And I agree. Where ARE THE technogeeks who have yet to do as the glib and entertaining poet above has suggested? Just think… if the HOVERCRAFT could be propelled by fast food grease or SMOG….No more SWEATING it while replenishing your tank of gas that you’ll have to dine on stolen crackers and ketchup packets from McDonalds’ condiment stand if the petrol prices climb much higher!

      Either way, thanks for sharing the clever verbiage! 🙂
      ~Kennedy

  2. gaycarboys says:

    I second that with knobs on.

  3. I don’t think any of us would look good (or feel good) wearing tin foil…so I consider that a bullet dodged!

    Great post,

    Mikalee

  4. This is very cool. Rhyming blogs for the win!

  5. huffygirl says:

    Agree. Seems like we should at least be able to move things with our minds by now – or are we too old to start the training? Still waiting for my jet pack too.

    • B Gourley says:

      We may be getting farther from moving things with our minds rather than closer.

      I’d like a jet-pack, but seeing how people drive with two dimensions I wonder how they’d do with a Z-axis thrown in.

  6. beckyyk says:

    For Realz Yo’. You make some good points. I also like your poem! Very creative.

  7. *snap snap snap snap*

    I want a flying car too!

    http://tehcatspajamas.wordpress.com/

  8. sallyjeangenter says:

    Loved the title and humor. If only scientists would stick to task…

  9. Didn’t you hear the news?
    The job’s already done.
    Those boffins have succeeded
    And invented a ray gun.

    In computer games and movies,
    These guns now can be seen,
    Along with all those bouncing boobies
    And fake violence in the extreme.

    “But what about a REAL one?!”
    I hear you ask, annoyed.
    Ah, the state gets all the real ones,
    While we get to play with toys.

  10. Great post. It’s funny to see what people imagined life would be like by this time. I’m just glad we don’t have HAL

    • B Gourley says:

      Maybe if they hadn’t made his voice so creepy, he wouldn’t have gone evil on them. I’m just sayin’.

  11. I’ve been trying my whole life to invent soundproof speakers. Thought I was close once, till I realized they were just turned off.

  12. hehe, nice poem.

    Love with alien girls and getting a flying-car speed ticket is still on my “TO DO” list.

  13. Andy Skelton says:

    Before you leave your own driveway
    you’ll ask for clearance from FAA. 😦

  14. Heather says:

    I maintain that if everyone wasn’t so absorbed with war, we would all be more technologically advanced.

    • B Gourley says:

      Maybe. It’s a nice thought.

      But currently I don’t think anyone spends more on science and technology than the Department of Defense, so I’m not sure it’s as true as it is admirable.

  15. ournote2self says:

    Hahaha! Cute poem!

  16. Laurie says:

    Like the poem!

    I’d vote for the flying cars, myself – you’d think we’d at least have THOSE by now. I could do without the foil. Saran Wrap might be interesting, however.

  17. Pingback: It’s 2011 Already, Come On!: Where’s My Ray Gun? (via Micro-Writing) « My Writing Life

  18. Pingback: It’s 2011 Already, Come On!: Where’s My Ray Gun? (via Micro-Writing) « Dermot McBride..theBlog!

  19. kitchenmudge says:

    Hey, we do have the tv telephone, at least (for good or ill).

    • B Gourley says:

      Yeah, I’m not that big a fan of video phones.

      I once walked through the house butt-naked (laundry day), and looked over my shoulder to see my mother-in-law was video-Skyping with my wife. That brief window it took to realize our computer didn’t have a camera caused a bit of a paniced freak out.

  20. Ascentive says:

    I still want my hover board from back to the future!

  21. charlywalker says:

    I like your site and your picture header……are those esoteric Garden Gnomes??

    Spread the humor:charlywalker.wordpress.com

    • B Gourley says:

      I took that photo outside (what I thought was) a shrine near a Tokyo subway station in the Roppongi area, but, was not later able to track down precisely where it was. If anyone knows, I’d be glad to hear. Otherwise, I’ll have to go back to Tokyo to find out.

  22. kalee11 says:

    This is a very cute poem, and expresses a sentiment I definitely agree with! Thanks!

  23. makingup3000 says:

    Yeah I thought life would be like the “Jetsons” when I grew up. I’m still waiting.

  24. Loved this poem! … Mork and mindy, Star trek, Space 1999 loved the bring back of my sci fi memories. But im still waiting for that alien ship in ‘Flight of the navigator’ to pay me a visit.

  25. peter says:

    I think there is enough inventions already to put together the hovercar – but that raygun of yours desperately needs some color… as in starwars… obviously =)

    • B Gourley says:

      Re: the hovercar: It’s all that damn gravity’s fault.

      There is something remarkably bad ass about having laser technology, yet fighting with a sub-meter long blade. Yoda should have only gotten a laser paring knife.

      • peter says:

        Yeah… no pain no gai… Erm, I mean no hovering without gravity =)
        I havent actually figured yet how to make that saberknify thingy stop that submeter out – I would make one that just went on and on and on… =)
        It’s probably done with some gravity reflecting shielding or whatever =)

  26. Eva McCane says:

    there’s a t-shirt store in Des Moines, IA that’s called Raygun, and it’s amazing. check it out. might hold you over until you can get a real one.

    • B Gourley says:

      Thanks. I probably couldn’t be trusted with a real raygun. I would use it as a letter opener, wart remover, that sort of thing.

  27. I’ve never known a car to hover.
    I’ve never taken an alien lover.
    …these must be my two favourite poem lines ever…LOL!!
    Well done my man!

  28. Best title ever. LOL. IT’s also 2011, flying cars are supposed to come out in 4 years.

  29. CP CP CP CP U SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. Gary says:

    Nice one, I look forward to waking up and saying, “computer… coffee and toast.” or perhaps in a flippant mood
    I could try, “computer…stop war, feed the hungry, save the world”

  31. Come oonnn, teleportation!

  32. The Carrying Place says:

    Freshly Pressed Feature beats one of mine elsewhere anyday!!

  33. Indeed, it’s about time someone got outraged about this particular topic! Bloody marvellous that your futuristic soap-boxing made it to Freshly Pressed!!!! x

  34. Great!!

    I got the light saber app on my iPhone, only to find that, it just made the swishing sound!!!!

  35. Very cool…doesn’t Apple have an app for that? hehe

  36. drdolittle76 says:

    Excellent. Excellent. Excellent.

    You made my day.

    Thank you!!!

  37. sittingpugs says:

    Congratulations on being freshly pressed. I like these lines a lot:

    No five-course meals in capsule form.

    You can always tell robot from man

    by the part they install on your minivan.

    I’ve never known a car to hover.

    I’ve never taken an alien lover.

    Go Yellow Jackets.

  38. Delorfinde says:

    I know, we’re so behind! I was reading Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep, set in 1992 (which, by the way, is before I was born) and … well, we are so behind schedule. What happened to humanoid robots? What happened to mood organs?

    • B Gourley says:

      Philipp K. Dick was a genius as a story-teller, but technology/trends forecasting was, perhaps, not his strong suit. I think he used the technology as a prop devices for outstanding stories.

      In Ubik, as I recall, there is a point where the protagonist can’t get out of his appartment because there is a charge to use the door. The economist in me, shrinking or not, found that hard to swallow for reasons having to do with marginal costs and pricing (although I guess there is a monopoly, but still.) Still it was a brilliant and creative device.

  39. I am too still waiting for a car that flies. I have been promised that car since I was a kid…..Congrats of FP!!!

  40. pihu says:

    that’s cool. Reading a poetic blog for the first time.

  41. Your poetry is So Cool! I’d have to now troll your archives!

  42. Wow! So creative! Thanks for making me smile 🙂
    Look forward to reading more!

  43. lol, I love this, this is royal supreme, congrads, and thank you, much appreciated, WS

  44. GD says:

    Fresh poetry. I guess everyone has a different view of the future, and different expectations of the future.

    I admire your unconventional style. I just started a writing blog myself at http://shelleddreams.wordpress.com
    and I hope to do more poetry, perhaps with a twist on it like you.

    I am looking forward to your next post!

  45. isaamruzi says:

    even i have to trying hard to translate your writing, but i was not regret because i have read a very strong writing.. 🙂

  46. xxx tube says:

    Excellent Blog !!!!

  47. dannyowen5 says:

    Very interesting. Please check out my blog where I discuss poetry sometimes too

  48. kitchenmudge says:

    All the other inventions would be unnecessary if I just had a good holodeck and replicator.

  49. David M. Green says:

    Many years ago in junior high school one of my fellow students asked me what kind of car I wanted to own when I grew up. Being a Star Trek fan I simply told him that I would not own a car but a shuttle craft instead. Yet down through the years I’ve ended up owning several different cars but not a single shuttle craft or an x-wing fighter.

  50. atharp95 says:

    Wow! Interesting subject matter and perspective! I like how you including cold hard facts about sci fi and the phrasing flowed very nice! Love this poem!

  51. Air Hose says:

    I would like to expand your idea further, and will digging out more for further details.

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