Dear Leader wakes not by crow of cock,
but gets up at precisely five o’clock.
His alarm is a dissident he doesn’t know
taking a 10-penny nail through the big toe.
Out of the bed and feet on the floor,
he primps his helmet-like pompadour.
He wriggles into his beige onesie suit
as minions lace up his black shiny boots.
Once again he primps his pompadour,
then stops again at the mirror by the door.
In the mirror he pumps double-guns
then makes scowly faces just for fun.
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall
“Who’s the brutalist dictator of all.
“Well, sire, I’d have to say Pol Pot.”
“Take that mirror out, and have it shot!”
At breakfast jokes are cut by Kim
as the cook’s reverie is throttling him.
Post-Eggo it’s time to inspect the troops
because our Dear Leader never poops.
Though he does stop by the ole latrine,
but just to read the new L.L. Bean.
After finished grunting and bemoaning high prices,
Economists tell him what the new cost of rice is.
On the way to see his military formations,
he makes his own rough calculations,
and decides killing the economists is cheaper
than admitting the depression grows ever deeper.
The military inspection goes quite well
just four men are shot for linty lapels.
Then he’s shown a nuke that’s state-of-the-art.
Relax, it’s made from old snowmobile parts.
At four, he meets with a human rights group head,
but by four-oh-five that leader is mysteriously dead.
This leaves time open for an afternoon nap.
He says, “wake me at six with a soft wrap.”
He oversleeps when his minion too lightly knocks.
The same man “volunteers” to test a virulent pox.
In the evening, dinner is done in great style.
You can hear stomaches growling for mile upon mile.
After dinner Kim does karaoke to Elvis,
but throws out his hip rolling his pelvis.
Then it’s back home to get tucked into bed;
he reflects upon the day’s count of the dead.
He says to his Teddy, “a leader can’t be too nice
“or, the next thing you know, people will want rice.”
He drifts off into the most bizarre dream
in which people don’t like him and think he is mean.