A Day in the Life of Kim Jong Il [For All You Know]

Dear Leader wakes not by crow of cock,
but gets up at precisely five o’clock.
His alarm is a dissident he doesn’t know
taking a 10-penny nail through the big toe.

Out of the bed and feet on the floor,
he primps his helmet-like pompadour.
He wriggles into his beige onesie suit
as minions lace up his black shiny boots.

Once again he primps his pompadour,
then stops again at the mirror by the door.
In the mirror he pumps double-guns
then makes scowly faces just for fun.

He says,

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall

“Who’s the brutalist dictator of all.

“Well, sire, I’d have to say Pol Pot.”

“Take that mirror out, and have it shot!”

At breakfast jokes are cut by Kim
as the cook’s reverie is throttling him.
Post-Eggo it’s time to inspect the troops
because our Dear Leader never poops.

Though he does stop by the ole latrine,
but just to read the new L.L. Bean.
After finished grunting and bemoaning high prices,
Economists tell him what the new cost of rice is.

On the way to see his military formations,
he makes his own rough calculations,
and decides killing the economists is cheaper
than admitting the depression grows ever deeper.

The military inspection goes quite well
just four men are shot for linty lapels.
Then he’s shown a nuke that’s state-of-the-art.
Relax, it’s made from old snowmobile parts.

At four, he meets with a human rights group head,
but by four-oh-five that leader is mysteriously dead.
This leaves time open for an afternoon nap.
He says, “wake me at six with a soft wrap.”

He oversleeps when his minion too lightly knocks.
The same man “volunteers” to test a virulent pox.
In the evening, dinner is done in great style.
You can hear stomaches growling for mile upon mile.

After dinner Kim does karaoke to Elvis,
but throws out his hip rolling his pelvis.
Then it’s back home to get tucked into bed;
he reflects upon the day’s count of the dead.

He says to his Teddy, “a leader can’t be too nice
“or, the next thing you know, people will want rice.”
He drifts off into the most bizarre dream
in which people don’t like him and think he is mean.

Soure: Office of the Russian President

About B Gourley

Bernie Gourley is a writer living in Bangalore, India. His poetry collection, Poems of the Introverted Yogi is now available on Amazon. He teaches yoga, with a specialization in pranayama, and holds a RYT500 certification. For most of his adult life, he practiced martial arts, including: Kobudo, Muay Thai, Kalaripayattu, and Taiji. He is a world traveler, having visited more than 40 countries around the globe.
This entry was posted in Humor, Poetry, Writing and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to A Day in the Life of Kim Jong Il [For All You Know]

  1. The Carrying Place says:

    Disturbingly priceless. An old school chum had jokingly friended our dear leader on FB. He will enjoy this. C

  2. B Gourley says:

    Kim Jong Il on Facebook. I’ve got to check that out.
    Yesterday I was on the Twitter page of a hacking group that attacked the FBI-led InfraGard group.

  3. strabec says:

    Very enjoyable poem! I didn’t think anything involving Kim Jong Il could make me smile!

    • B Gourley says:

      Glad you like it.
      I think he would be hilarious if he weren’t a brutal dictator who starved his own people to death. The stature, the Roy Orbison glasses, the beige workman’s suit. That’s good stuff.

  4. Really? He does does karaoke to Elvis? I would love to hear that!!! Any thoughts on the Russian president?

    • B Gourley says:

      I doubt it, but he’s a strange man.

      Do you mean does Medvedev do Karaoke? Or, would you like a poem on Russian politics?

      Medvedev’s office is mentioned as the photo source to comply with copyright requirements.

  5. Actually I would love to hear your poetic thoughts on both Putin and Medvedev….

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